A perfectly impractical guide to overpacking with flair – By Simone

Top 12 Offenders

(A.K.A. the things that made customs officials raise an eyebrow… or six.)

  • 2009 called. It wants its glittery blazer back. You won’t wear it. You’ve never worn it. And yet… here it is again.
  • The ‘Maybe One Day’ Cable Monster. Contains 7 HDMI cords, 4 mystery adaptors, and an existential crisis.
  • Candle collection that could torch a village; “Scent: Midnight Regret” doesn’t travel well. Neither do melted wicks. If you’re shipping to the tropics, they melt; believe me, I’ve seen the evidence. Candle wax goes through EVERYTHING and NEVER comes out.
  • Kitchen arsenal for your imaginary cooking show. If your box contains an egg coddler, step away slowly.
  • Books you swear you’ll read: 18 kg of paper guilt. Spoiler: You’ll download a podcast instead.
  • The mug army. They’re cute. They’re fragile. And they’ve unionised to take over your packing.
  • Costumes for every occasion, except real life, Lobster suit? Check. Cowboy hat? Check. Dignity? TBD.
  • Food that’s basically contraband. “Just a jar of pickled herring” is how international incidents begin. Seriously, just don’t. Some countries have total meltdowns if food is brought in – ever watched an episode of Australian Border Force…?
  • Plants – Nope nope nope – not every customs officer can differentiate between a rubber plant and a rose garden – they could assume that it is something else entirely – not worth the risk… (Read above re-food…).
  • The ‘Just in Case’ Museum of Curiosities Snorkel in a landlocked country? You know who you are.
  • Alcohol – it’s nearly always dutiable and gives customs officers more reasons to search your shipment – also, certain alcohol does not like extremes of temperatures. Do you really want to drink that £100 bottle of wine, now vinegar…?
  • Liquids – yes, I know you just went out and bought a year’s supply of bleach. Don’t be tempted to put it in the container – if it breaks…. The container will smell like a 1970s swimming bath but be totally unusable….